The Learning Dad: How Personal Growth Sets the Example

Originally published on 5/6/2025

Last Tuesday, I found myself hunched over my laptop at 11 PM, watching YouTube tutorials on how to solve a Rubik's cube. Not because I'd suddenly developed an obsession with colourful puzzles, but because my eight-year-old daughter had challenged me to learn something new alongside her. As I fumbled with the cube, dropping it twice and muttering under my breath, I realised something rather profound: she wasn't just watching me solve a puzzle—she was watching me learn how to learn.

This moment crystallised something I've been thinking about for months: the most powerful parenting tool isn't our ability to have all the answers, but our willingness to seek them out. In a world that's changing faster than ever, the greatest gift we can give our children isn't a repository of facts, but a living example of lifelong learning.

The Myth of the All-Knowing Parent

Growing up, many of us operated under the assumption that parents were supposed to know everything. Dad could fix any broken toy, Mum could answer any homework question, and both seemed to navigate the world with an almost supernatural confidence. But here's what I've discovered as a father: that confidence wasn't built on omniscience—it was built on adaptability.

The modern dad faces a unique challenge. Our children are growing up in a digital landscape we didn't experience ourselves. They're learning about climate change, coding, and social issues in ways that didn't exist when we were their age. We can either pretend we know it all and risk becoming irrelevant, or we can embrace our role as fellow learners and stay connected to their world.

Leading by Learning

Personal growth as a parent isn't selfish—it's strategic. When we actively pursue new skills, knowledge, and perspectives, we model several crucial behaviours for our children:

Curiosity over certainty. Instead of saying "I don't know" with finality, we can say "I don't know yet, but let's figure it out together." The difference between these two responses is the difference between a closed door and an open invitation.

Resilience in the face of challenges. When my son watches me struggle with a new recipe or stumble through learning Spanish on an app, he sees that adults don't magically acquire skills—we work for them. The fumbling, the mistakes, the small victories are all part of the process he'll need to embrace in his own learning journey.

The joy of discovery. There's nothing quite like the moment when something clicks—when the guitar chord finally sounds clean, when the maths concept suddenly makes sense, or when you successfully grow something in the garden for the first time. Our children need to see that learning doesn't end with school; it's a source of lifelong excitement and fulfilment.

Practical Ways to Be a Learning Dad

Share Your Learning Process Don't just show your kids the end result of your efforts—let them see the messy middle. When I decided to learn photography, I didn't wait until I could take perfect shots to involve my family. Instead, I brought them along for the terrible photos, the YouTube tutorial sessions, and the "aha" moments when I finally understood aperture settings. They learnt as much about persistence as they did about photography.

Ask Questions Together Transform family time into discovery time. "I wonder why the sky changes colours at sunset" isn't just small talk—it's an invitation to explore together. Some of our best family moments have come from falling down Wikipedia rabbit holes or conducting kitchen science experiments to answer random questions.

Embrace Being a Beginner Sign up for that pottery class, start learning the ukulele, or try your hand at coding. It doesn't matter if you're rubbish at first (you probably will be). What matters is that your children see you at the beginning of something new, struggling and progressing just like they do when they tackle new challenges.

Learn From Your Kids This might be the most important point of all. Your children are digital natives, creative thinkers, and often surprisingly wise observers of the world. Ask them to teach you their favourite video game, explain a TikTok trend, or share what they're learning at school. Not only will you gain new perspectives, but you'll also demonstrate that learning is a two-way street—that even parents can be pupils.

The Ripple Effect

The beautiful thing about becoming a learning dad is that the benefits extend far beyond your immediate family. When fathers prioritise personal growth, we contribute to a cultural shift away from the stoic, unchanging patriarch towards a more dynamic, engaged model of masculinity. We show other men that vulnerability, curiosity, and continuous improvement aren't weaknesses—they're superpowers.

Our partners benefit too. When we're actively growing and learning, we bring fresh energy and perspectives to our relationships. We become more interesting dinner companions, more engaged co-parents, and better equipped to navigate the challenges that inevitably arise in family life.

When Learning Gets Difficult

Let's be honest: embracing continuous learning as a busy parent isn't always easy. There are days when the last thing you want to do is tackle something new. The washing is overflowing, work is demanding, and you just want to collapse on the sofa with whatever's easy on Netflix.

This is where self-compassion becomes crucial. Personal growth doesn't require daily breakthroughs or dramatic transformations. Sometimes it's as simple as listening to an interesting podcast during your commute, reading one chapter of a book before bed, or spending ten minutes learning a new word in a foreign language app.

The goal isn't to become a Renaissance man overnight—it's to maintain a posture of openness and curiosity that your children can observe and internalise.

The Long Game

Recently, my daughter surprised me by announcing she wanted to learn chess. Not because anyone required it, not because her friends were doing it, but simply because she was curious. As I watched her work through her first games, making mistakes and asking questions, I saw the fruits of years of modelling learning behaviour.

She wasn't afraid to be rubbish at something new. She didn't expect to master it immediately. She was genuinely excited about the process of getting better. These attitudes didn't develop in a vacuum—they grew from watching the adults in her life approach challenges with curiosity rather than fear.

Your Learning Legacy

The question isn't whether you're clever enough, talented enough, or have enough time to be a learning dad. The question is: what sort of learner do you want your children to become? Because more than any lecture about the importance of education, more than any reward system or punishment for marks, your own relationship with learning will shape theirs.

Your children are watching. They're watching how you respond to challenges, how you talk about your mistakes, and whether you approach the unknown with excitement or anxiety. They're learning not just from what you teach them, but from who you choose to become.

So pick up that guitar, enrol in that course, start that project you've been putting off. Not because you need to achieve mastery, but because your children need to see that learning is a lifelong adventure—one that you're still actively choosing to embark upon.

After all, the best dads aren't the ones who know everything. They're the ones who never stop learning, and who make that journey look like the exciting adventure it truly is.

What's one new thing you've learnt recently? What skill have you been wanting to develop? Remember: your children are watching, and they're learning more from your example than you might think. The time to start is now.